Take A Number

The national spotlight has once again focused on our beleaguered Buffalo diocese. This Nightline piece aired just after midnight today and contains Bishop Malone’s first national interview. I remember being shocked when I learned that Bishop Malone had agreed to do an interview with ABC’s David Wright since the Bishop has resolutely refused interview requests unless they’re of the softball (WBEN, WGRZ) or airball (hello Don Postles) variety.

For me, the most challenging part of the Bishop’s interview was when he’s shown a clip from my own interview with ABC’s David Wright. I drew a sharp breath when I realized that the Bishop was watching my response to a very difficult question.

During my interview last December, David asked me outright if Bishop Malone should go to jail. I was startled by that question as I had never considered it before. By that time, I had publicly called for the Bishop to resign, but I had never thought of jail time for him. It just wasn’t on my radar. Considering him unfit to lead our diocese, I wanted him to resign and figured he’d go back to the Cape – not to a cell.

That question from David is the first media question so far that I’ve hesitated before answering. I stumbled a bit as I tried to answer him. Then David followed up by asking me if I would testify against the Bishop. “Yes, I would” was my immediate answer. I remember wondering, If I testify against the Bishop, could that testimony lead to his being sentenced? I suppose that’s a distinct possibility.

We are in such uncharted waters and unfamiliar territory. The FBI and AG are actively investigating our diocese. What will these investigations yield? What will be the ramifications of their investigations? Could jail time for Bishop Malone be one of those repercussions? I don’t know.

But I do know one thing: if Bishop Malone does go to jail, he should not go alone.

First in the jail line should be the abusive priests, who for decades have resided in condos, cabins and cottages instead of cells. Many of them were serial abusers with literally dozens of victims. They absolutely must pay for their crimes – in this life or the next. Bishop Malone himself has stated that if it weren’t for the statute of limitations, many of our Buffalo priests would have gone to jail. For far too long, these abusive priests have avoided the consequences that any of us would have received if we had committed similar crimes.

I also believe that Bishop Malone’s complicit advisors – legal and diocesan – should keep him company in jail. They would have plenty of time to talk about “carefully crafted criteria” and other questionable decisions they made together.

The PA Grand Jury report makes it clear that Bishop Malone would not be the only bishop in jail. For example, Bishop Trautman of Erie, PA should definitely be there too. There are other NY bishops (for starters) who should join them in what they’d probably start calling the Bishop’s Wing of this hypothetical jail.

So when it comes to the possibility of jail, there would be a line. Bishop Malone would have to take a number because he wouldn’t be first in that long line.

It pains my heart to even be writing about such things. Dear God, how have we come to this?! Growing up a joyful Catholic, I could never have dreamed that one day I would be seriously reflecting on whether bishops should go to jail. It breaks my heart.

But you know what breaks my heart even more? The suffering and sorrow of the survivors. They are strong and resilient, but that doesn’t mean they are not still in pain or struggling to overcome their trauma. They deserve every bit of justice they can receive. If that justice eventually includes bishops in jail, I can only say sincerely that I would visit Bishop Malone in jail.

God is all just and ever merciful. We humans have always struggled to find a balance between the two. For now, all we can do is pray and work for human justice while trusting in Divine Mercy.

Jesus, I trust in you and I love you.

My thanks to ABC – particularly David Wright and Pete Madden – for their commitment to our story and their appreciation of Charlie Specht’s excellent work on our diocesan debacle.

Return to the Catholic Center

When it comes to nouns, I like them the older the better: vintage people, historic places and antique things. I’m particularly fond of old buildings, which is lucky for me because Buffalo is chock-full of them. Among the Queen City’s many jewels, her architecture shines brightly. (There is a wonderful video at the top of the website linked in the previous sentence… if you have time to watch it, you won’t be disappointed… and you may want to come visit if you’re not from here!) We are blessed with an abundance of amazing buildings throughout our city. Many of them were designed by such notable architects as Frank Lloyd Wright – the legend himself, Louis Henry Sullivan – the father of skyscrapers, and Louise Blanchard Bethune – the first female in that field.

As a lover of historic buildings, I truly cherished working in the Catholic Center. Every time I’ve passed it, seen it or stood across from it since last August, I’ve been reminded of just what a special place it is. Just recently, I started really missing working there… not the work, which became toxic, but the “there.” I missed running up a fire stairwell that was more ornate than any modern, main ones would be. I would fondly recall the “basement of the Diocese” with its metal tracks from when the building housed a newspaper company and carts moved heavy equipment to and fro. I would close my eyes and recall the resplendence of the main lobby and its stunning art deco elements. These were bittersweet remembrances, but I would also remind myself how fortunate I was to have worked in that historic building in the first place.

This past Tuesday morning, I reflexively checked my email during a break at a work training. This absentminded exercise was suddenly electrified when I saw the following message from Explore Buffalo, which offers tours of Buffalo:

Ad for tour.jpg

Can I even do that??!!! was my first thought. I don’t see why not was the answer I gave myself. Sure, I’ll pay $25 to revisit the building I’ve been missing so much lately. And this time, I thought, I can take pictures to show people what it looks like since I never took pictures when I actually worked there! 

And so it happened that earlier this evening, I took an official tour of the first and second floors of the building I used to consider my second home.

Here is a brief history of the building for those who are interested:

“This Classic Art Deco building opened in 1930 as the home of the daily Buffalo Courier-Express, which ceased publication in 1982. As of 1985, it has housed the offices of the Catholic Diocese of Buffalo. It is unusual in its incorporation of a newspaper motif in both the exterior and interior design.

Stretching across the front of the building are these words from the First Amendment of the United States Constitution: “Congress Shall Make No Law Abridging the Freedom of Speech or of the Press.” People involved in the principal stages of the newspaper business are shown in eight terracotta relief sculptures across the Main Street facade: editor, linotyper, compositor, diemaker, stereotyper, pressman, shipper and reader.

A focal point of the two-story lobby is a 200 square-foot mural by local artist, Rev. Thomas Ribits, OSFS, representing the history of the Roman Catholic Church in the Buffalo area. The mural replaced one of similar size that graced the lobby during the Courier-Express era. That one, painted by Charles Chase Bigelow and Ernest Davenport, depicted the contemporaneous growth of the City and the newspaper. From 1869 to 1871, Samuel L. Clemens (Mark Twain) was editor and part owner of the Buffalo Express, which merged with the Buffalo Courier in 1926.

The firm of Monks & Johnson served as the building’s architects, with Henri D. A. Ganteaume, who is noted for his design of newspaper buildings.”

What an odd sensation it was to walk through those familiar doors again! I half expected an alarm to go off when I crossed the threshold, but it was a peaceful re-entry into a world I used to know so well. And once inside the lobby, I was just grateful to see it again. It is truly splendid as these photos hopefully illustrate for you:

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Mural half of the Lobby
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The other half – these photos are taken from the cut-out on the second floor
Floor VS
Historic printers’ markers are the focal point of the tiled floors
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Fr. Tom Ribits’ incredible mural – detailed close-ups to follow
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A new addition – the Diocesan prayer for healing and the purple candle that is being displayed in various spots throughout the Diocese. Watched over by St. Joseph, our Diocesan patron.

Here is the view as you look up through the cut-out to the second floor:

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The balustrade is stunningly gorgeous in its detail
Close-up of the second floor ceiling and the Art Deco chandelier

Even the elevators are gorgeous!

Elevator doors

Close up of elevator doors
Close-up of the historic printers’ marks etched into the elevator doors

Our capable tour guide was Rick Suchan, Director of the Foundation of the Roman Catholic Diocese of Buffalo, who oversaw the Upon This Rock campaign a few years ago and continues to manage the Foundation during this difficult time. For Rick, giving a tour at 6 pm on a Thursday would not be a matter of staying late after work… he was likely working up to the minute the tour started and went back to work right after. I admire the man’s dedication to the cause even if I no longer fully admire the cause itself.

When we got up to the second floor, I made a request of Rick: could I please make a visit to the Chapel just opposite the balustrade? He graciously granted my request for which I am very grateful. It would have been a pity to be so close to the Most Important Room in the Catholic Center without stopping in to say hello to Our Lord.

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What a wave of emotions came crashing over me when I entered that small chapel! I dropped to my knees as so many memories came flooding back… the private Masses with Bishop Malone during my first year until (happily) he began inviting the building to attend, setting up the altar for the Bishop before each Mass and securing a lector and Eucharistic Minister for him, the quick visits before a day I knew would be hard, the longer conversations after one of those tough days, the hurried visits during days when I knew that “some Jesus time” was the only thing that would get me through. How often did I almost literally run down to Jesus, present in this super 80’s tabernacle, to beg Him for the help only He can give. I’m not ashamed to admit that I have ugly cried more in front of this tabernacle than any other. I used to dim the lights and hope no one would hear or see me as they walked from the elevator to the cafeteria down the hall. It was a tremendous comfort to have Him there in the Blessed Sacrament every day, but especially on the darkest days. I tried never to take that gift for granted. Tonight, all I could do was to thank Him… for helping me through the darkness, for guiding me into the light, and for the abiding gift of His love and His peace.


St. Joseph and candle in Chapel
This was a new addition – similar to the one in the lobby
These guys’ signatures are on a lot of things in the Secret Archives that you wouldn’t want your signature to be on… at least this document doesn’t present any concerns

And now for a few pictures that capture random spots (that were part of the tour) that are memorable to me…

The stairwell I used all the time and found to be so elegant and beautifully crafted:


This is one of the fire hose boxes that I used as mirrors on my way up to the 4th floor especially when I biked to work. I’d check for signs of “helmet hair” as I bounded up the steps two at a time… there were three of these boxes on my way up and I’d always laugh at the last one and say, “Well, that’s as good as it’s gonna get!”

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The cool old windows at the lowest level of the stairwell

And now for some close-ups of the amazing mural in the lobby:

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Whenever a new bishop is installed, Fr. Tom comes back to add his face into St. Joseph’s Cathedral on the mural. Hopefully Father will have to do this again very soon!
I’m pretty sure that’s Bishop Head at the top there… two other bishops are visible towards the bottom of this picture. The Catholic Center itself can be seen behind the Cathedral.
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Our Lady of Victory Basilica rising up at the back with the Falls in the foreground
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One of my favorite sections – an Erie Canal packet boat at the “Flight of Five” locks in Lockport
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“The bike kid,” as I always called him, next to portraits of Buffalo’s three presidents: Millard Fillmore, Grover Cleveland, and Theodore Roosevelt, who was inaugurated here after McKinley’s assassination during the Pan-American Exposition in Buffalo in 1901 [Fun fact: Grover Cleveland is the only US president to serve two non-consecutive terms: 1885-1889 and 1893-1897]
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Rev. Msgr. Nelson Baker, a “Venerable” and Buffalo’s beloved saint-to-be; Bishop John Timon, first Bishop of Buffalo; and Saint John Neumann, CSSR, who was a missionary to Western New York and later Bishop of Philadelphia. (The shield is that of Catholic Charities – the Latin verse translates to “Love Never Fails”)
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Close up of Bishop Timon so you can see the actual lace that Fr. Tom used to adorn his vestments. Other elements are incorporated into the acrylic mural including antique photographic prints, newspapers, hymnals, textbooks, fabric, sand from Lake Erie, and twenty-three carat gold leaf! The priest saying Mass here is Fr. Louis Hennepin, a Franciscan missionary, who celebrated his first Mass in what is now Lewiston, NY and published one of if not the first book on Niagara Falls in 1683.
St. Joseph in Mural.jpg
St. Joseph watching over the diocese of which he is patron. The lines you see running through this section denote the 8 counties of Western New York that are part of the Diocese of Buffalo: Niagara, Erie, Chautauqua, Cattaraugus, Orleans, Genesee, Wyoming and Allegany. Scenes from all three seasons are also visible… I always loved the wintry one best! The stars at the top of this section and throughout the upper portion of the mural represent the 300 parishes that were present within the Diocese at the time the mural was created.
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The Coat of Arms of the Diocese flanked below by the personal coats of arms of Bishop Head, who commissioned the mural, and of Saint John Paul II, who was Pope at the time of the mural’s creation


Above are four of the terracotta relief sculptures that grace the front of the building

First Amendment.jpg

If you zoom in on the image above, you’ll see the First Amendment carved into the building’s terracotta facade… here is a close up so you see what I mean:

Freedom of Speech close up

Imagine, if you will, how odd it was for me last summer as I contemplated providing confidential diocesan documents to the media while working in a diocesan building that used to house a newspaper and had the First Amendment emblazoned on its facade. At that time, Bishop Malone was frequently referring to various members of the media – or the media as a whole – as “sharks circling the waters” or “sharks looking for blood in the water.” (The lawyers were vultures.) I’m guessing the First Amendment is not Bishop Malone’s favorite.

When the 60 Minutes crew was here last October to film the episode on our diocese, one of the photographers was particularly stunned by the presence of the First Amendment on the building. “Wow,” he said while looking at the Catholic Center, “If anything about this is made for a movie, it’s those words carved into that building.” Later that month, during my press conference across from the Catholic Center, I vaguely alluded to his comments when I said something about how the situation was “made for a movie.” It was awkwardly stated and out of context, which I’ve regretted ever since. A lot of people rightly gave me flack for the comment and accused me of “being in this for a movie deal.” I’m glad to have this chance to set the record straight: I don’t want to be in or part of any movie. I definitely did not have a movie (or book) deal in mind last year and I still don’t to this day. When I made that lame comment, I was making some preliminary remarks to the media that I didn’t know were being recorded and, on some stations, broadcast live. I was trying to emphasize the significance of these words on the building’s facade while I encouraged the media to continue pursuing the truth.

I will end our picture tour with this lovely statue of Our Lady, which is located near the stairwell door by the second floor balustrade, and an excerpt from a prayer to Mary, Mother of the Church:

Our Lady.jpg

O Virgin Mary, Mother of the Church to you we recommend ourselves and the entire Church. Mother of the Church! Enlighten the People of God along the paths of faith, hope and love! You were given to us as a mother by your Divine Son at the moment of his redeeming death. Remember us your children, support our prayers to God.
Preserve our Faith, strengthen our Hope, increase our Charity.

Immaculate Heart! Help us to conquer the menace of evil, which so easily takes root in the hearts of the people of today.

From nuclear war, from incalculable self-destruction, and from every kind of war, deliver us.
From sins against human life from its very beginning, deliver us.
From every kind of injustice in the life of society, deliver us.
From readiness to trample on the commandments of God, deliver us.
From attempts to stifle the very truth of God, deliver us.
From the loss of awareness of good and evil, deliver us.
From sins against the Holy Spirit, deliver us.

O Mary, conceived without sin, we place ourselves under your special protection.

We resolve to walk in your footsteps and to imitate your virtues.

Obtain for us, O tender Mother, the grace of being faithful to this promise.


Daybreak Heartbreak

Over the past few months, I’ve done quite a lot of reflecting on what took place a year ago. Each day brings back memories of what was happening on that same date last year. In particular, I’ve been reflecting on my gradual progression from morally compromised employee to diocesan whistleblower, which took place during June and July of 2018. I’ve determined that there were essentially four phases of this process the first three of which are as follows: 

  1. Moral: Was I morally compelled to take decisive action? How would I answer to God if I did nothing?
  2. Emotional: Exposing the truth would mean betraying Bishop Malone – could I do that?
  3. Practical: Could I obtain the necessary documents without arousing suspicion? Have I confirmed to whom I will leak the documents and how they will be used? Am I willing to accept the consequences of my actions? 

That second question was such a difficult one, but I eventually could answer “yes” to it.

This post tells the story of how that yes came about.

(Stay tuned in August for the fourth phase – theological – a challenging but crucial stage)


It was June 14th. A Thursday last year. Amidst the still-swirling sexual abuse scandal within our Diocese, the Catholic Center’s fiscal year was drawing to a close. It would end on August 31st and associated financial discussions were taking place. A memo earlier in the year had warned staff that budget cuts and layoffs were likely to occur. But none of us could ever have anticipated what would come to pass.

That afternoon, Bishop Malone received an email outlining the “carefully wrought plan” (his exact words) regarding the elimination of Daybreak TV Productions. It had been decided that Daybreak staff would be informed of this on Friday, June 22nd with Claire Rung, the Director of the department, being notified the day before.

However, Claire was too perceptive for their plan no matter how carefully wrought it may have been. She had begun to realize that “changes were on the horizon” for her department. Ever the professional, she did not want to bid on work that her team could not fulfill. When Claire inquired with the appropriate administrators, she was told that indeed, she might not want to bid on things at this time. Seeking more information, Claire met with key members of Bishop Malone’s administrative staff. Those staff members told Claire that “the process is still unfolding; nothing is off the table; please be patient and understanding until the end of next week.”

However, the process was not still unfolding and there was nothing on the table – it was a done deal: Daybreak TV would be completely eliminated at the end of next week. They did not invite Claire to the table while the process was unfolding. They did not seek her input, advice or suggestions before they laid down the hatchet on the department she had devoted her career to building and strengthening. They did not honor and respect her as the director of an award-winning department, a brilliant businesswoman and a devoted employee for over three decades. They just wanted her patience, her understanding and her cooperation.

Claire wisely asked to be informed “sooner than later what is happening” and promised that she would maintain confidentiality. Thus they decided that she would be informed on Monday, June 19th and her team would be informed that Friday as planned.

During the evening of June 14th, Bishop Malone informed Father Mark Noonan (Vicar General and Moderator of the Curia at the time) of the following:

I am scheduled to do a “Consider This” shoot next Tuesday morning, which I may now cancel or postpone if Claire will know the fate of Daybreak by then. It will just be too awkward for everyone involved. Staff will definitely pick up on Claire’s mood, even if she says nothing… and maybe on mine, too.

For whatever reason, the Bishop did not cancel or postpone the Daybreak shoot for Tuesday the 19th. (In my opinion, he couldn’t come up with a believable excuse.) Early that morning, the following email exchange occurred:

CRung requesting mtg pg 12nd page of Claire requesting mtg

As you can see, the Bishop responded quickly to Claire and immediately squashed the idea of meeting with her that morning – even for 15 minutes. He “knew what this was about” and didn’t want to deal with it directly. I was cc’ed on Claire’s email and responded privately to Bishop Malone. My words completely contradict the Bishop’s statement to Claire that it was “impossible” for them to meet that day.

I was the keeper of the Bishop’s calendar. I used to fit people in all the time when he asked me to. Because of all the calendar requests that came my way, I had become an expert at making the pieces fit in the jigsaw puzzle that was his Outlook calendar. Trust me: he could have met with Claire that day. For at least 15 minutes.

Despite having been informed of her department’s termination the day before and having her meeting request squelched by the Bishop, Claire’s mood did not give evidence of the pain she must have been in. However, the Bishop himself was definitely in a mood that morning. He was noticeably nervous and fidgety before what would be his final “shoot” (recording) with Daybreak that morning.

As for me, my mood was one of incredulous despair. I could not believe that Daybreak was going to be entirely eliminated. Theirs was easily the most beloved department in the entire Catholic Center. All 8 of the Daybreak employees were universally loved and respected. They were also incredibly skilled, talented and experienced. Cumulatively, they had spent close to 120 years working for the Diocese of Buffalo. They had won countless awards for their sharp, innovative and faithful broadcasting. They were not just a team – they were a family. I could not believe this was going to happen!

But it did. The Daybreak staff was assembled on the morning of Friday, June 22nd and informed that their last day of employment with the Diocese would be Friday, July 6th. They left their offices soon thereafter to process this enormous blow as best they could. Word of their termination spread quickly through the building and created a wake-like environment. People were meeting in the hallways and literally crying on each other’s shoulders. Employees who had worked with Daybreak staff for over three decades were disconsolate. If you had walked the halls of the Catholic Center that afternoon, you would have felt it – the tangible sense that something was terribly, terribly wrong.


This is the “candy bar card” I made for the Daybreak crew on the day they were informed of their department’s elimination. They ate the candy during their final staff meeting and left the poster board message in their recording studio on their last day. When uploading these photos, I noticed that my pink drawstring knapsack is visible to the left of the leftside photo… I carried most of the documents out in this innocent-looking bag. 

It is important to note that Fr. Mark Noonan was the one who had to fire the Daybreak employees. The oversight and general management of the Catholic Center is the responsibility of the Moderator of the Curia/Vicar General so this doleful duty fell to him. What an enormously awful task! He had started his position just a few weeks earlier on June 1st and was now responsible for informing 8 employees at once that their positions were no longer in existence. This was an unprecedented event and he was at the helm despite being so new to his position. Since it was a Friday, the Bishop was off and received confirmation of the termination meeting via email.

It was to Father Mark that I sent this email on the evening of Sunday, June 24th with Bishop Malone cc’ed:

SMO to Claire sending comments .jpg

2nd page of SMO to Claire with comments.jpg

Colleen (HR Director) and Steve (CFO) are noted as being off that week. I remember thinking that they’d taken a page out of the Bishop’s playbook by being on vacation right after a difficult decision was rendered in which they had been intimately involved. It was particularly absurd to have the HR Director out of the country when you’ve just let 8 employees go all at once. Yet that kind of dysfunction is par for the Catholic Center course.

I’m sure Bishop Malone would have left for the Cape early if he could have! He was scheduled to leave for Massachusetts on Friday, June 29th, but he moved up the Diocesan Review Board meeting from Thursday, June 28th to Wednesday, June 27th so that he could leave for the Cape on Thursday instead of Friday. He was eager to leave town as soon as he could. I remember thinking that the Bishop was lucky the DRB members and lawyers were able to rearrange their schedules last minute like that. This was the infamous “five-page agenda” DRB meeting with so many priests’ names listed. In addition to changing the meeting date, they had to schedule the meeting for 4 hours instead of 2 and they still couldn’t cover everything. How could they? There are over 100 priests’ names listed on that agenda!

And now I come to the most painful and yet most significant part of this post: Bishop Malone’s personal response to the Daybreak team’s plight.

When I sent that list of complaints/concerns to Father Mark, I included one of my own – #15: “This must feel like such a slap in the face for the Daybreak employees especially since Bishop Malone worked very closely and regularly with them. They helped him to look and sound his best and he actually knew their names. They must feel betrayed.” (What a loaded comment that was, Siobhan of Last June!)

Indeed, the Daybreak employees were the ones Bishop Malone knew best other than us poor, unfortunate souls in the Chancery. He “actually knew their names” and worked with them at least once a month if not more frequently. His interaction with them was a friendly and comfortable one. He would have me email the Daybreak team with last-minute requests for the teleprompter while he ran down to their first floor recording studio to have his make-up done while he reviewed the scripts with Claire.

ann doing make up.jpg

I knew how much the Bishop enjoyed working with the Daybreak team because I saw him in action with them. I can vividly recall his strong rapport with each member of their team. They had done a lot of recording together over the years both in their Daybreak studio and at various events throughout the Diocese. The Bishop had truly gotten to know them as individuals and to value them immensely as a team. As I’ve mentioned before, Bishop Malone is an extremely gifted speaker. I remember watching him record 3 or 4 “Consider This” clips in rapid succession once and was amazed at his stamina and skill. I think his record was 6 in one session! He truly does resemble Archbishop Fulton Sheen in that respect – he is extremely effective in front of a microphone or television camera. The Daybreak staff recognized his skill and rejoiced in it. Theirs was a wonderful collaboration with the Bishop.

Which is why I was stunned to my core to witness Bishop Malone’s treatment of them the week of June 25, 2018. He was in the office Monday, Tuesday and Wednesday of that week. The Daybreak team made multiple requests to meet with Bishop Malone. He did eventually meet with Claire, who came prepared with ideas, strategies and stats. But it was to no avail – life support had been pulled before she had a chance to start CPR. As for the rest of the team, the Bishop flat out refused to meet with them. There was no explanation given – he just would. not. meet. with. them. And it was worse than that – he avoided even looking at or acknowledging them. Let me explain…

The Bishop’s parking spot at the Catholic Center is in the garage behind the building. Thus he rarely enters the building from the front entrance – he uses the back hallway and goes the long way around to the lobby to get in the elevator. That rear hallway butts up against the back of Daybreak’s department. The Daybreak team often stored large recording equipment in that area. The back door to their department opened up into that hallway so they would often be going in and out of that door to retrieve or store various supplies.

During the three days he was there that week, Bishop Malone saw more than a few members of the Daybreak staff in that hallway as he headed to or from the garage. Eyewitnesses told me that the Bishop did not look up, acknowledge or greet the Daybreak team members. He tried to act as if they weren’t there or he hadn’t seen or heard them. Father Ryszard could be seen behind the Bishop – waving and smiling as usual… trying valiantly to diffuse the awkwardness caused by his boss, who was pointedly ignoring the familiar staff members so near at hand.

The Bishop left for the Cape on the morning of Thursday the 28th. I was in shock that he’d let 4 days go by without speaking to the Daybreak crew. He never had the group conversation with the team that they naturally expected given their close relationship with him.

That same morning, I was working at my cubicle trying to catch up a bit with the Bishop out of the office. All of a sudden, I was overcome with a wave of strong emotion that brought on an uncontrollable crying fit. I was accustomed to these at home – while folding laundry or doing dishes or eating cereal in the morning before heading into work – but this was entirely unexpected and unprompted. I ended up having to leave the Chancery abruptly in order to recover. Soon thereafter, I received this kind text from a colleague, who had witnessed my tearful departure:


How vividly do I recall the emotions and struggles I mentioned in this text! The moral compromise, the immense disappointment, the emotional and mental exhaustion, and that terrifying fear that I might lose my faith. “Please, Lord!” I would cry out to Him: “Let me lose my life before I lose my faith.” This may sound overly dramatic, but it was truly my prayer. I would rather lose my life than live it without faith. My faith in God informs and inspires every aspect of my life and makes it worth living. I did not want to live without faith.

This was an extremely serious situation and I knew I must take decisive action to save my sanity and my soul. First step: obtain a new job. I remember searching on Indeed.com and saying to myself, “You’re going to be the next employee to leave after the Daybreakers. You’re going to walk out the Catholic Center’s brass front doors as soon after them as you can.” I found an unexpectedly good job listed and applied for it with determination. The next day I heard from the company and was scheduled for a phone interview on July 5th. Until then, all I could do was embrace the Malonelessness of the Chancery and try to protect the fragile embers of my lifelong faith.

Unfortunately, the next day and the weekend to follow (June 30th and July 1st) had an extinguishing rather than enkindling effect on that faith.

On Friday, June 29th, I sent an email to Father Ryszard and Father Mark that resulted in this exchange:


That entire week had been filled with calls from distraught people – usually elderly – who were heartbroken that the daily Mass would no longer be broadcast by Daybreak. After sobbing through survivor calls in March, April and May, I was now crying with seniors for whom this TV Mass was the highlight of their days. I remember one sweet older lady telling me through tears that “the daily Mass is my time with Jesus – they are taking my Jesus away from me.” All I could do was cry with her and do what I could to console her.

That Saturday and Sunday, Father Mark Noonan was sent down to Dunkirk to reinstate Fr. Dennis Riter as Pastor of St. Elizabeth Ann Seton Parish. (You can read more about Fr. Dennis Riter at this link.) This was an unprecedented event: the public reinstatement of a priest accused of child sexual abuse. Fr. Riter was being reinstated just 3 months after he was pulled from ministry and placed on administrative leave. You would think that such a difficult task would fall to the bishop of a diocese or his auxiliary bishop. But no – they sent Father Mark down to Dunkirk during his first month as Vicar General and Moderator of the Curia. To say that I was furious about the whole situation (the reinstatement and the reisintater) does not even begin to cover it.

I texted Father Mark on the morning of Sunday, July 1st to see how he was doing and to express my concern about his difficult task: “Today marks just ONE month since you officially started. I think it’s crazy that they sent you down there to handle such a significant task at a very volatile parish.” Father Mark responded that the situation was “extremely stressful” and he “just wants to do right by every single person in WNY.” Bless his heart, as they say down South – he was a man of integrity who had the best of intentions. He was made to do that which neither Bishop Malone nor Bishop Grosz was willing to do. Bishop Malone approved the reinstatement, but he did not face the people and the media in Dunkirk that hot Sunday morning. Bishop Malone made his young Vicar General literally do his dirty work while he enjoyed the peace and beauty of (Es)Cape Cod.

All in a week, I had watched Bishop Malone betray his Daybreak colleagues by not deigning to acknowledge them or speak with them after the devastating elimination of their entire department. Then I watched him betray, in a lesser but still poignant manner, his Vicar General by sending him to Dunkirk. So much for loyalty, I thought.

The next week was Daybreak’s final one at the Catholic Center. My heart was breaking all over again in anticipation of their last day on Friday, July 6th. I knew the only way I could get through that dreadful week was to do something for the Daybreakers. Thus I began planning a private luncheon with them on Thursday the 5th and a building-wide Appreciation Breakfast on morning of the 6th.


I knew that planning for these two events would keep me focused on something positive during an otherwise painful week. My thanks to Father Mark Noonan for recognizing the need for this Appreciation Breakfast and supporting the efforts to make it happen.

Late in the afternoon of Monday the 2nd, Bishop Malone received a Jeff Anderson press release that George Richert forwarded to him:


I may need to call off my vacation and return to Buffalo. Those twelve words jumped out at me and made me sick to my stomach. I hadn’t realize just how much I needed Bishop Malone to be on vacation for three weeks. “He can’t come home early,” I thought in despair, “He’s only just left!” That evening and all throughout Tuesday I kept telling myself that it couldn’t happen… he wouldn’t come home early, right? Please God, no.

Tuesday, July 3rd. Driving into the parking lot at Wegmans that evening, I was mentally reviewing my shopping list: ice cream and toppings for the ice cream sundae bar at the Daybreak luncheon, beverages and other items for the Daybreak table at the Appreciation Breakfast, and a few other miscellaneous items. But in the back of my mind, I was repeating the fearful questions that had plagued me for the past 24 hours… would Bishop Malone really curtail his vacation and come back to Buffalo? If so, when? Would he come back right after tomorrow’s holiday? How would I handle his unexpectedly early return? How could I return so quickly to “grin and bear it” and “fake it til you make it” mode?

As these questions overwhelmed my mind, my body soon became overwhelmed as well. I was suddenly incapacitated by some strange combination of fear, stress, anxiety and distress. Having survived two anaphylaxic reactions, I recognized this “feeling of doom,” but knew I had consumed no triggering fish or shellfish. What the heck is happening to me? I thought. My body had seized up in a strange way as if it was trying to find the fetal position and my car seat and steering wheel prevented it. Having never experienced anything like this before, I was completely unsure what was going on.

Realizing I needed help, I called my personal 9-1-1… my dear Mom. An RN by trade, she was soon there with her ever-consoling words and advice. After assessing my condition (and knowing right away that this was a panic attack), she made an immediate recommendation: I am taking you home. “No! No! I have to get the ice cream for Daybreak!” Mom assured me that I was in no shape for shopping and that she could get the ice cream and bring it to me later. “No, no, no I have to pick out the flaaaavors for them!” I cried out like a plaintive toddler. Knowing that it is unwise to argue with the emotionally distraught, my Mom found herself accompanying me to the freezer section of Wegmans where I selected the ice cream after intense deliberation. Somehow all that mattered to me at that moment was getting that ice cream for them. It was as if my mind had to focus on that one task in order to recover from the attack that had rendered me incapacitated.

Thursday’s luncheon and ice cream sundae bar was a wonderful celebration albeit a tearful one. I shared with the Daybreak team my distress over Bishop Malone’s refusal to meet with them. I also told them how immensely impressed I was by their graciousness, dignity and professionalism during the past two horrible weeks. We shared memories, stories and laughs along with the tears. My heart was so happy to have spent time with them even as it was so heavy to think of their impending departure.

The Appreciation Breakfast on Friday morning was as successful as a tearful farewell can be. We all needed this opportunity to gather with our Daybreak colleagues to celebrate their many achievements, acknowledge their amazing work, and wish them the very best. It was cathartic even while it was sorrowful. The eight Daybreakers were class acts from start to finish… I’ve never seen that level of professionalism-despite-pain before or since.

db table

consider this

Around 5:30 that same evening, I emailed the Catholic Center with a digital copy of the “Tribute to Daybreak” booklet that was given to the Daybreak staff at the breakfast. (The booklet can be found in its entirety below the text of this post.) As I explicitly stated in the email, all of the quotations in the booklet were taken from the many emails that were sent in support of Daybreak. When I received this email response from Bishop Malone regarding the booklet, I was literally speechless.

RJM to SMO regret about tribute

A “significant omission??!!” Yes, Bishop Malone, there had been a significant omission regarding Daybreak: your meeting with them, acknowledging them, consoling them, and encouraging them. Yet here he was – passively aggressively offering his “just a thought.” To the very best of my recollection, this is the only email message from Bishop Malone that I did not respond to even by acknowledging receipt. I simply had no words.

After the Daybreak departure and during the remained of Bishop Malone’s vacation, I had a lot of time to ponder my next steps. I had secured the job I applied for and was making plans for that transition. At the same time, I made the decision that I was not going to leave the Chancery empty-handed. My whistle blower plans were still in their nascent stage, but I no longer struggled with the general concept of it. The moral imperative was unavoidable and now I no longer felt any lingering emotional attachment to Bishop Malone. His coldness to the Daybreakers had cast a chill on my own relationship with him. A naturally loyal person, I had had a front row seat to Bishop Malone’s lack of loyalty to the Daybreak crew.

If he could do it, so could I.

Little did Bishop Malone know how complete my “radio silence” would be… the next time I would communicate with him would be the morning of Monday, July 23rd when I greeted him upon his return to the Chancery. Shortly thereafter, I would give him my three weeks’ notice. Three days later, I would meet Charlie Specht. Before the week was out, I would begin leaking documents to him.

Bishop Malone taught me two very important lessons last year:

  1. The power of the media to coerce him into much-needed, long overdue action
  2. How to betray those close to you

They were startling, disquieting, and painful lessons, but I learned them well.

I dedicate this post to my former colleagues in the Daybreak TV Productions department. It was a joyful privilege to work with you and it is a great gift to still call you friends. May you always know that you are loved by so many people and by Our Lord most of all! 

Daybreak Team Names

Daybreak TV’s YouTube channel where you can view their “Consider This,” “In A Word” and “Question of the Day” series among other productions:


The “Tribute to Daybreak” booklet:


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